Wait. Fashion Tip Tuesday on a Thursday? That’s right, incredulistas. I am Rachel Maude and I exist OUTSIDE OF TIME. It’s like, here I am, toiling away at my laptop, ice-packing the rhinocerosian bags under my otherwise sprightly and vibrant brown eyes — just another drizzly mid-May Tuesday in Brooklyn, right? Ha! No. In fact, almost seven decades and two days have passed without my even noticing! My studio apartment is seriously like NARNIA, you guys. Which is a relief because — in addition explaining the bags under my eyes and the tiny tea-swilling faun who lives in my closet — it explains my total lateness updating my blog! You know, it’s just like John Lennon says: Life is what happens while you’re making other plans. I guess my life adds up to sixty-eight years of Googling pictures of malignant moles, Charlie Rose in various stages of undress, and my Amazon ranking. In other words? My life has gone exactly according to plan! Hahaha! Suck on that John Lennon! (But not really ’cause you’re dead and I love you.)

So! On to the fashion tip:

You know those totally cute empire waisted babydoll tops that everyone wears over jeans these days? I totally figured out a way to a) buy one that nobody else will be wearing guaranteed (i.e. you’ll get major props for originality) and b) do so at a majorly discounted price! What’s my secret you ask?

MATERNITY TOPS!

Seriously, have you ever tried on one of these things without the burden of a boring-ass baby bump? In one version you’re teetering around like a fat tick on stilts, but in the other (and this is the version we’re in, bébés!) you’re flitting about breezy as a butterfly. Seriously, all I had to do was tightly cinch my maternity top-of-choice with a ribbon and because I’m NOT PREGNANT (just a little gassy, okay?), all that extra material gathered into these fantastic, figure-flattering flounces and folds. In the end, the top didn’t resemble a top so much as an awesome baby doll dress: the kind of thing you can just as easily pair with opaque tights and slouchy boots as wear over jeans.

The other cool thing about maternity tops? You can get them for cheaps! Retailers rightly assume Tick Women aren’t going to break the bank for something they’ll wear nine months out of their lives. Which is why they sell them at scandalously low prices. I swear you can get some super hot numbers at places like Target or Old Navy, and because you choose to wear them NOT IN THE WAY THE TARGET LORDS INTENDED — you’ll look totally unique and cool.

Don’t believe me?

Check it:

Check it:

Check it:

Check it:

Yeah, this last one might need a hot pink belt to spice it up, but you get the point. Totally cute baby dolls, am I right???

Be the first on your block to rock one!

xo